Chris......

It just dawned on me that while I knew it last week and yesterday - I didnt blog about the fact...

Last week i posted on my status on the day that Chris died 7 years ago...

However I neglected to make a post about it ...

I am not going to make a post today either....

Well not really....

Chris died on September 17 - he was found on the property by the farmer who owned it on the 19th...We buried Chris on the 22nd....in another state...in our home state....in our family cemetary....

In my original blog - I posted an entry about Chris one year...and I am going to re-post it now...

As a side note - the two men (boys) suspected of killing Chris? one has been missing for 8 months...just gone - no trace...and the other one? his parents committed him not long ago..

Chris
originally posted Sept 11, 2005

The anniversary of his death is coming up in 7 days....My mother will be a basket case...my father will be deathly quiet...I will cry and hug my children....my other brother will cry and stay at home and hug his daughter...we will call each other to see how the other is doing...(rory and i) we wont bother mom and dad because they will be so engrossed in their grief...his son's mother will probly keep him close to home so he doesnt have to witness the grief...I dont blame her....I would too...

He is gone....from our lives but never our hearts....I think about him every day and I cry and I miss him and I will always love him...and there are days that I hate him because he is gone and it is his fault...

His son has no father..I have no baby brother...my kids lost their uncle....he will never know our niece that is his namesake...my parents will never have their baby boy again...

None of us will ever see those beautiful blue eyes and beautiful smile again...

We wont ever see his Elvis impersonation again...man he could move his hips and curl that lip...lol...

I will never ever be able to call him baldy again....(he started losing his hair at 18 just like dad).

I will never see him turn up a jar of pickle juice again and drink it straight from the jar...always made me laugh...lol...

I will never again be able to make him say uncle playing peanuckle again (and i could bring himto his knees...lol)

None of us will ever hear Mom yelling..."Charlie, make them stop roughhousing in my house! They are making me need a nerve pill!" ...lol...this was every family get together and every holiday...

His son will never get to go fishing with daddy...

He will never play catch or throw a football with his daddy...

He will never get to talk to the man to man talk with his daddy...

He will never have a Daddy at all those father son events...only a granpa, uncle or stepdad..which are all great but not as great as having your dad there...nothing like your dad....

Someone else will have to teach him to drive...

Someone else will have to teach him how to change a tire and change the oil in his truck even tho his daddy was the best at it...

My daughter and son will never get to finish their boxing lessons...

Kadie will never be able to say Uncle Chris...this is my boyfriend...this is my fiance...this is my baby...

Neither will Austin....

I will never again hear him tell me to "Do your own thing Kelly...dont let anyone tell you what to do..."

And this is all because of drugs....different drugs...

They are all bad ...there are NO recreational drugs...there are NO drugs that arent as bad as others....

They ALL take control of your life and your family and one way or another..they rip you from your family...and tear your family apart...

PLEASE listen to me when I tell you....

Everyone around you will suffer one way or another at some point...and it WILL be because of the drugs...

And dont say...i just do it every now and then just to relax...please dont even give me that excuse...read a book....drink some hot chocolate...take a walk....talk to someone you love...just dont do it...

It tears apart everything and everybody....

My husbands and my family are full of drug abusers...

His cousin OD'd on coke....she had the perfect life...no one ever even knew she was using....His aunt goes back and forth on and off and makes us all miserable when sheon...

I have 1 cousin who has been in and out of the pen...off and on for 10 years......he will never be completely free...cause he either makes it and sells it or he is using it...usually all three at the same time....he gets out...and go right back to it...it is the only thing he knows...and it doesnt matter who he hurts...as long as he has access to it...

If I dont stop typing right now...I am going to be full fledged bawling in about 30 seconds...tears are only trickling right now...

I have just seen first hand how it tears apart every thing and everyone I love...and I hate it...

Sometimes I take his overalls and favorite Tshirt out of the box in the closet and just imagine him wearing them...even after 2 years being in a box in the closet....I can still smell him....Is that strange? Sometimes in the store I think I see him...I see a truck like his...and think...maybe just maybe he wasnt in that coffin...none of us ever identified his body...none of us saw him...one of the police officers on scene identified him as he was one of Chris' friends...

Maybe it wasnt him...maybe maybe maybe...and then I step back into the real world and I know he is gone...

and I cry...

and cry...

and cry...